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Monday, March 25, 2013

Steven's Odyssey

Ever since, I moved to SF I have been on a continuous odyssey of self introspection and realization. I am starting to realize that, I am not the same person I was a year ago. So much has changed and slowly I have come to accept the new life that I am leading. I am a much more stronger and confident person than I thought I would be at this point in time. The experiences that I have been through has opened my eyes to what I left behind and how much things are different from who I was.

Change usually is so gradual that you don't notice it until something significant happens or it an experience is reflected upon. I have come to understand that everyone changes a bit over time and it really is not superficially noticeable. One can almost assume that we don't change much over the day to day, but if we add a couple of years, the similarity between our past and present selves look nothing alike.

I find myself looking at the world with a new clairvoyance, that I had not had before. In the past, I had a lot of trouble figuring out what I needed to do month to month, and once that month was over, I didn't know what my circumstances were. Basically, I was fretting over if I had passed a class or might had to take it over again. That led me to have a very limited outlook towards the future. I just didn't know what was going to happen next, which led me to be depressed during a majority of my time at school. I felt like I had very little control in my life.

After I graduated and started working, I started to feel more and more in control of my life. There was a weight that was lifted from my shoulders. I think the key was being able to do the things I really wanted to do, but never had the time, energy, or money to do so. Now, I am able to do and work on side projects and hobbies that really contribute to a work/life balance. In essence, I am free to explore the world and not get stuck in one aspect of it. This kind of freedom as I call it, is extremely liberating, along with complete control over what I want to do with my time.

My personal journey has been one of understanding myself and who I was/am. In doing so, I have learned that I had a pretty pessimistic view of the world and my place in it. I let my problems become bigger than I was, instead of focusing and dealing with it logically and quickly. I still have issues with this time to time, but now I am more cognizant of that and work to prevent it from happening. It is a continuing journey, I think there will be many more facets of me that I have yet to understand and grasp.

Until then I will continue sailing onward!

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