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Thursday, May 23, 2013

Life on Hold

What is life but a series of events. Between these events that shape our lives, there are moments that just are not as eventful and just plain boring. Sometimes I feel like life is on hold before the next event and there is not many experiences that are relevant building up to the future. I think that I am in a lull right now, there are many things that I want to be working on right now but there just seems to be an overwhelmingly amount of work and self-sacrifices that I must go through.

I want to be lazy and coast through those moments. It is almost a default setting that seems to be programmed into me. Part of this whole growth phase in my life has been to conquer my past and finally move on, but I really question whether or not I have the sheer resolve to see it through. It is always self-doubt in the face of uncertainty that troubles me the most. Between significant events in my life, I have felt that life is all about slogging through it and just surviving to point B. Going through school was a bit like that, as I was just biding time before I graduate. Now it feels like I am just biding time again before some unknown future event.

I have had moments of great energy and motivation usually accompanied by droughts and lulls. Sometimes these moments are a life event such as graduation or marriage and sometimes it can be a someone close to you. For example, lately I have been on a crazy spree, taking on lots of challenges and starting new opportunities in hopes of gaining some extra money on the side. I have been listing things that I was doing and tasks that I hope to accomplish for the future. But do you know the real reason, I started to do all those things? Because of a girl. Like all things that men do in their lives is indirectly related to a girl, whether it is impressing a girl or getting over one, it really is all that simple.

Unfortunately, for me I was trying to get over one. Which led me to over exert myself in the current state that I am in. I would have to say that I am a bit more stressed that usual. Waking up exhausted and not having the mental energy to really do what I need to do on some days. I can't say that I could have prevented it, but it was what happened and now I have to deal with it.

I think that I am in a period in between events and I have to just survive life and try to grow from it. It ain't easy, but there is little alternative. It is just one of those months that is just a bit more interesting than all the other ones. Time to get some sleepless sleep.

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