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Sunday, December 9, 2012

Love and other drugs

I've always wondered if there was one person for each of us in this world. Out of 7 billion people, you would think that there statistical would be an ideal match that would "perfect." I believe it to be true, although the likelihood of you meeting them is next to impossible throughout a lifetime, never mind the fact that both people have to be available and relatively close in age.

In the past I've always kept with this attitude in meeting people, even if I knew that it would be worse than finding a needle in a haystack in the middle of America. I would always try to find better and hold out for the best person that I could, passing on those that I thought weren't what I was looking for and even to go as far as avoiding certain people that I thought weren't worth my time. By always thinking that over the next hill there will be something bigger and better, I kinda shielded myself from others and them from myself. It was a cold and shallow way of finding love. Pursuing those that were only based on looks and first impressions certainly had its allure and glamor. But for whatever reason, they rarely had anything in common with me, and soon fizzled out.

I would say I missed out on a couple of opportunities that could've been more had I been open to the idea. But the past is past. The point is, I used my past history to cloud my present and make decisions based on what I thought was just and fair. Now that I look back and think back on some of the choices that I made, I truly feel a bit foolish. It is never easy to admit that as logical and as reasonable one can be, they are not immune to the pressures of society to think and behave a certain way towards people. But I for one can say that I have committed stereotyping and shallow behavior to impress others.

The past couple of months have really been an eye opener for me and my previous beliefs. I never had to think too deeply about them or the consequences about what I believed about love and romance. I always had people to shelter me from my ideas and how I go about doing things, they were used to my way of doing things and never really questioned if they were morally correct. I guess that is one of the biggest lessons being on your own in a new place with no social network. People you don't know can call me out on my bullshit without hesitation, since there is no prior history. Seems like common sense, but it is really interesting to see it in action. Having a zero sum attitude is a one way ticket to realizing that you are a little fish in a big pond.

My good friend Ryan once told me that, "Your goal should be, go out there and meet people, and not just women." At the time I heard this I was very skeptical about his words and thought that this was inefficient. The more I think about it, I realized that it made perfect sense and it wasn't inefficient it was very efficient and practical. The more people you know the more chances of meeting more people in general and probability go up that you'll bump into your future mate. But what he was stressing was that you must show that compassion to everyone, regardless of who they are or where they come from. It's about karma. Ultimately, all we have in life are the people and the relationships that are formed.

Perhaps there is no perfect person for any of us. Maybe there is a bunch of close enoughs, out there that with a bit of work and persistence can be "perfect." I've always thought that, all I needed to do was to find the perfect person and they would solve all my problems and be happy in the end. If they were pretty enough or smart enough, then maybe they can mask enough of my own issues, that my problems wouldn't matter. I guess it is the simplest solution rather than look deeply into ourselves as the one that needs a fixer-upper. My problems are mine alone to fix and shouldn't be relied upon others to mediate them. Hence, this blog has allowed me to be accountable and reflect upon myself in a very personal way.

It is always a long journey to change oneself, but the deciding to take the first step is the hardest of them all. We have to accept that we ourselves are flawed and require change. Hopefully, the end result will be a warmer and fuzzier Steven for all to enjoy.

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